Spread some joy

Spread some joy

Sometimes we take ourselves too damn seriously. If we want to enjoy work more we need to lighten up occasionally and share some banter and jokes in the office.

When was the last time you told your colleagues a joke, or shared a funny picture? If it’s been a while today’s the day.

Below is a selection to choose from, with your mission today being really simple – forward one of them, to 3 colleagues. A bit like the ice bucket challenge, but with no bucket. Or water. Or ice (but hopefully some squealing).

Just think – if those you send it to do the same and pass it on – a whole bunch of people will smile, because of you – nice one!

rumours


The Boss of our small company was complaining during a staff meeting that people didn’t respect him enough. Trying to change the attitude in the office he came in the next day with a sign for his door it said, “I am the boss”. After he came back from lunch he noticed that someone had stuck a post-a-note on the sign. It said “your wife wants her sign back”.


 

Eecard


Employer: “We need someone responsible for the job.”

“Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong,everybody said I was responsible.”


some-days-coaster


Interviewer: What is one of your weaknesses?

Interviewee: Honesty

Interviewer: That’s not a weakness

Interviewee: I don’t give a f*ck what you think


 

corpculture3


Office memo

Dear Staff,

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Lunch Breaks:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Toilet Use:

Too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offender” category.

Surgery:

As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.

 

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.


bitchy


 43% of all statistics are worthless


Dilbert-20050910


Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked


 

ikea_job_interview


H lp! S m b dy st l  ll th  v w ls fr m my k yb  rd!


WTF


If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0


100


I hope at least one of these made you chuckle. Which is your favorite?

What’s the best office joke you’ve seen? Please add it in the comments below.

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